Hangggggggggggggggg

Rast night, my mothel deed not ...deed not ...let me sreep. I wanteed to... to herp hel.

So, I editud her Powelpoint Plesentation so daaht eet would look good.

But, however, furthelmore, my brain expe- expe- expelienced system clash. I wus beejee murtitask. Trying to write novella and plan curricurum fol my Englishee classeis, not to mention think about head teacha.

So, I talk rike thees for half my crasses.

Eet was a good thing my schoo-dunt find eet funny. They think I am voice acta, have sclew roose.

But, I don't want to do thees agen.

Sisyphus is happy

...because he knows why he has to roll that stone up the bleeding hill. He can take comfort in the fact that he gave the Gods the dirty finger.

That is Either the Coolest Thing...

...or the best let-down I've heard this year.

My conference class-- yes, we have those, where I lead an on-line group chat and gorup voice call discussion with at least 3 students at a time-- was pulled out from under me today.

My head teacher pulled me aside when I came in, said that there had been a request to increase the class time from the original 30 minutes to 50 minutes. As that would have adversely affected my break (and it is still at least an hour long), the class was handed over to someone else.

I will choose to trust my head teacher on this.

So wonderful.

Dragons of Summer Pain

There's yet another fire in my QC neighborhood as I type. On one of my old blogs I noted that there has to be a damned fire here every three months usually because someone somewhere leaves a cigarette in the wrong place. Or maybe because someone thinks that the jury-rigged electrical system in the makeshift wooden structures can handle just one more electrical appliance.

On a Malthusian level, it makes sense that people take themselves out of the gene pool. (Insert sweeping economist jabber here). "That effectively decongests the neighborhood and allows for the reclamation of idle real estate that could propel growth and expansion in key areas of the barangay." Have you ever heard such BS?

ANyway it looks like they've done with the fire. I'm almost certain the volunteer fire brigade already has all the routes to this place mapped out. Reminds me, we should give 'em something for Christmas.

Hey Harvard

Nice try.

The next time you send your spooks to impersonate a colleague, get 'em to do it right. I only let him talk to me because I don't have much to hide that you don't already know. Sheesh.

On Poetry

Did anybody ever tell you that I dislike poetry?

I do. I hate it with all my heart. Because people turn to words, to satire, to reams of inutile academic discourse when they cannot act. Poetry, dear friends, is yet another manifestation of this kind of impotence: the writer feels so strongly about something that he cannot act, except to commit something to verse.

Maybe he gets lucky. Maybe the poem affects people who feel the same way but cannot articulate their feelings. Maybe the song becomes a hit and the writer becomes another Morrissey. Or maybe the writing is so potent that it helps kick-start the Civil Rights Movement. More often than not, the writer cannot taste any success beyond the personal "Hey, I got something written!"

Unfortunately, "Hey I got something written!" cannot by itself get you fed, clothed, housed, and (especially) laid. Your needs still drive you, and if you're as much a poet as I am, your automatic response is to write reams upon reams of (say it with me) useless poetry. I could have spent that writing time by actually getting me fed, clothed, housed and, yes, laid (Getting a better paying day job is often a step in that direction).

The awful truth is that nobody really reads, much less appreciates, poetry. Okay, some people do, but often, they're neither numerous nor rich enough to matter. The perception is that poetry is either--

1. nothing special as any five-year-old can break a long coherent sentence into lines and call it poetry or
2. it's so specialized that most people who have "jobs" and "real social lives" cannot relate to it.

Besides, it does not make us better people. Bin Laden is a poet. So was Hitler. A sensitive thug with literary leanings is still a thug, albeit a more sophisticated one. If you ask my ex, being a poet only makes people think of you as a smooth-talking snake oil salesman. Or a smooth-talking snake oil peddling thug.

(So before you run off with someone because he is an artiste do try to remember that the insensitive clod who's forgotten how to say "I love you" probably got that way acting --and not writing poetry-- to meet the needs of your belly and those of your kids.)

The point is, poetry sucks. When it isn't trumpeting your triumph to the world after the fact, poetry's like opium. It keeps you distracted writing when you could be taking action instead. When there is a venue for action, when one is empowered to realize his desires, there is much less poetry. I fear that there are quite a few of us who are lock-stepped into being nothing more than poets, forever writing about actions we will likely never take.

Still it's a beautiful activity, and one of the reasons why I write is that I am plugged into a higher power when I write my best poems, even when these are the most useless kind-- the interminable whining about aborted romantic liaisons.

The price I pay for loving poetry is that I hate it with a passion.

Reprint from Last Year

Amazing how you can recycle old blog entries, especially if they're apt. This is an old Words for the Week entry I dug up from my archives dated sometime February.

karoushi
(Japanese) occupational sudden death; death from exhaustion, stress or overwork.

I swear my friends will keel over from this, and will likely take me with them. I've also lately put myself under karoushi-inducing conditions. At least I'm getting paid.

satori
(Japanese) in Buddhism, literally "to understand."; a deep state of enlightenment.

It is something I so severely want to impart. Because I really want my students to understand that the "th" and "sh" sound in English is different from the "s" sound. More importantly I want them to understand that the means of producing the "s" sound is in keeping the tongue behind both sets of teeth, with the tip touching the bottom set. Because if they can get that down pat, they are guaranteed to beat that odious IELTS test.

I also want someone to understand that yes-I-meant-every-word-it-is-no-fluke I am genuinely fond of her.

Satori is something that I definitely do not have. If I did, I would quit this little dalliance and sign up for life in a monastery. After getting ordained, I'll get myself attached to an orphanage somewhere. I love kids, you see, and for some reason kids are the only people I know who do not find me creepy.

B.S.
(noun) contraction of the expletive "Bull sh!t!";

1. an incredible statement; an outright lie or exaggeration;
2. a ludicrous idea
3. an unacceptable situation or circumstance
4. something horribly unpalatable that I've had to eat in spades last year and the year before that. I am not eager to partake of this delicacy since I am at the same age someone else was when he decided accept a hot heaping plate of the stuff in Roman times.

synonyms: cow dung. caltrops. horse puckey. (see: spin, advertising)

satiety (sa-TIE-e-tee)
(noun) The state of being full or gratified to or beyond the point of satisfaction.

I can count with the fingers of two hands the number of times I actually felt this on multiple levels. Twice this month is a world-shaking record, and I'm still thankful.

I still owe God a date.

Market Day

I went to market this morning, bought a hundred pesos worth of chicken and two hundred worth of (really thin) steak-grade beef. It was at once scary and refreshing to have to walk to the wet market and look red meat in the proverbial eye in the elusive search for "quality."

I'm trying hard not to relate this experience with women, just so you know.

Bottom line: I want to do this again. Going to the wet market is a good thing, even if you no longer do it with a partner.

------------

*Giving poem a day a rest for a bit. I'll make up for them in a few days.

I am Engrish Teacha!

Teaching Englishee velee haard
It does to dlive-us away the baard
Especiary when styoo-dunt says eet best
that "praying sportsu relieves my stless"

You cannot-- cannot-- make to laugh
As teacha, must to do not make them cry
You must leally help your styoo-dunt learn
Even dough you feel like die

(Oh so solly Teacha, "Die-ying";
"Feel like dying")

The onry thingus keep you sane
When listuning Engrish cause you pain
are fact daht styoo-dunts are your fliends
and, daht "soon" is when bad rhyming ends

ESL is a priestly vocation and
you ain't alone in thinking this--
Us ESL teachers need a long vacation.


----------------------------

Poking fun at the job, okay? not my students.

Many of them are dedicated, disciplined professionals who want a better life in places where English is spoken as a language of power and commerce. And I do want to help them, with most of my heart.

Written for Poem a Day.

Zinger

I swear if I didn't need my friends to keep me anchored to the world of the normal, I would have left many of them years ago.

As much as they believe that what I think and write (therefore what I am) vexes them, they do not realize that what they do incenses me. I am always the basket case to them, always the weak one, always the wrong one. And what is their claim to their morality? Their success. Their money. The fact that they simply (stupidly) cannot imagine a world where people like me exist.

Leaving is often how they relate with the world. "You are of no use to me, therefore I will leave you. So f_ck off!"

I'm not them. I'm better. If they need my help I'll be there as much as my time will allow.

There is, of course, a limit to how much of their crap I will swallow. That I'm here at all means they're lucky: I still have a deep well.

Sisyphus

Remeber that rock I picked up last year in August?

It just grew to the size of a goddamned boulder and is now rolling down the bloody hill. I have to run down the fricking hill and push it back up again.

Jeeeeeeeeezzaaaaaas.

news to me (3)

I was going to post this last Wednesday. I never quite got to. Was too exhausted juggling wall-to-wall classes and my get-rich-slowly schemes. The messages will be dated. But I'm sure one message will stay relevant for many people over the next few years.

To see it, right-click the image and save it somewhere for your consumption.

Okay, back to work now. Greatness --and hopefully some decent wealth-- awaits.

High

My apologies to Ritchie Kotzen for hijacking his song. This isn't an anthem I want looped in my player. But it's pure oil-on-fire slow rock n' roll in the best of traditions. And sometimes, a little tweaked, it's apt. There are better songs from this guy playing in my head.

---

I am so innocent I swear to God...
Oh, but you pressure me
And I cant help but unwind.
By now you know I'm not the stable kind
But you keep on testing me
Until you make me cry

How long can... I take you?
You should know that... the only way I can deal--

--is to get high, so high
until everything is gone
And I can't say a word

I get high so high
Just to shut you out
so I can keep on working

I know you're lookin' for an end to love
But this thing ain't what you think.
I signed up for endless work

You think I'm crazy and my mind is thick
And that I'm blind to trust
But I can see right through you

How long can ...I take you?
You should know that the only way I can feel--

Is to get high, so high
until everything is gone
And I can't say a word

I get high so high
Just to shut you out
so I don't hear you laughing

Bridge:
When I am away from you my head is strong
When I am near you make sure my mind is gone

The only way to deal with you
is to get high......

I don't want I don't want I don't want to hear a word

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

If you ignore a problem, it'll go away.
You can keep running away from your problems forever.

Why people keep saying that these strategies don't work when they obviously do somehow-- else why would people keep implementing them? There must be some merit in keeping your problems at a polearm's length...

Jeezas H. Jones hijo de gorram patola. ima mada henji-shinai? Nan to iu no ka!?

When will you bleeding realize that I'm your problem? I'm also your friend. Stop hiding behind your Greek Chorus and confront me.

I ...won't go away.

Friends ...aren't supposed to do that.

To-Do To-Day

Meet with co-workers.
Meet Strahdeus.
Pick up my granddaughter's print.
Get intel on shirt printing.
Fete my Mader and my Brother.
Pay portion of rent.
Polish drawings for scanning and send relevant info to contact in Laguna.
Have gifts for granddaughter and currently blooming friend framed/set.

Full day.

"I was kidnapped by cops and driven to Laguna!"

Er. Well...

That was an exaggeration. Unlike Jun Lozada, I went willingly. My life was nowhere near being threatened. And their careers were on the line if they couldn't pass an English test. (Cue strident brass).

Another day on the job for your friendly neighborhood eigokyoushi.

There was no way we could cram two semesters of English Ed or one full reading of Strunk & White's The Elements of Style in the couple of hours they gave me to unlock the mysteries of English. I've been at it most of my life and I still can't say that book's closed.

So we did the next best thing. I gave em a crash course in "How to Beat a Written English Proficiency Test Without Frying Your Non-Native-English-Speaking Brain." Look for key words and phrases and make the proper associations without thinking too much about grammar.

They were appreciative. But I was dumb. I hadda open my mouth and say "These shortcuts can only be properly used if you practice. Our problem is time..." (music swells in the background) "Tell you what, let's schedule another class and I can come back with mock tests and handouts so you can have that practice you need before your big test day."

I'm a glutton for punishment.

English and Filipino (or, Why We're Screwed)

...The Filipino's unwillingness to learn something perceived as "difficult" or "unpopular" is what's going to doom us.

The average Filipino laughs at his countrymen who speak English well. He says we're too uppity. We uppity folk learned our English because we had the opportunity and because we found that the language is a good one.

Well, the Filipino is now scrambling to learn English only because it'll potentially earn him big money.

But why we learn something is as important as how. I love English, and that's why I'm damned good at speaking, reading, writing and thinking in it. It's why my Korean students keep asking for my classes.

Trust me, the only time the average Filipino displays his English proficiency is when--

1. he is watching Baywatch, Friends or porn; or
2. she is chatting with her Australian/American/Japanese/Dutch online boyfriend while planning how to stab her husband in the back

The average Filipino cannot hide under Rizal's overcoat and accuse us uppity folk of being traitors to nationalism either. If the Filipino really loved his own language he'd actually enjoy reading the Noli, or Mga Ibong Mandaragit. Hell, I have. But he can't even muster enough willpower to do that-- ask any high school kid.

He can't even write proper sentences in Filipino: "Nag-enjoy kmi, sobra!" does not make sense. Kung sobra ang enjoyment mo, hindi ka talaga nag enjoy.

But dangle enough cash in front of him and he will be motivated to learn Filipino too.

---

Visiting Kenneth Yu's site is becoming a bad habit. His whole site is the epitome of "writing-meta." (He writes about writing.) Most every entry is an invitation to a refreshing exchange of views about stories and how and why we come up with them. The sort-of rant above is an excerpt from a reply --all of them threaten to balloon into full-blown blog entries-- to one of his posts. For the full context, look it up here.

Who's Your Daddy?

Incidentally, this is what happens when your most effective knight returns from exile and you tell him in so many words that his sword's not needed, when oh sweet holy God, it is. You effectively hand him to another liege lord who'll likely pay him better. Consider that your knight would have worked for you for peanuts and the simple pleasure of your collective company.

---

As ESL Teachers we're usually evaluated towards the end of our teaching contracts with our students. In my current place of employment, we're evaluated with the following criteria:

• teaching skill
• whether or not we call our students on time
• our attendance
• kindness and empathy
• the level of background noise we prevent from seeping into our mikes
  

The second of my evaluations from my students just came in.

Full marks in all relevant areas. And I've never seen that happen before. I don't think it has. And Management knows it. Management hangs our evaluations on the walls so we can die of envy. I'm not dying yet, but management will want to watch me closely.

Because I'm a maverick. Because I can throw the rulebook out the window in the name of helping a student really learn. And because they know it's love that keeps me working here. Love of teaching, love of my students... Management would soooooo love to get their hands on the one person that keeps me tethered here, if they knew who she was.

I'd Like to Get a Print of This

And I think I will.

I took this shot with the cam I won from the Talecraft contest last November. The thing sucks taking pictures in low light conditions, and it has a built in motivation to thwart your attempts at making artsy shots.

Well, nothing a little Photoshop work can't fix. But even then there's only so much you can do...

Context. You're all gonna want context to explain the shot.

That's my grandkid at Art's art exhibit at the Assumption College (Yay!). She looks as if she belongs there. If you think so, you'd be right. My grandkid's an artist too.

My Lockbox Cubicle