Is it possible to be with someone so long that you become an object of distaste? I think so. If continued reticence is something to go by, I think it's already happened. All this in spite my good intentions, my efforts and despite my seemingly warmly received proposal. All this in spite of what I thought was some form of binding understanding between us.
Don't do this to me. Please, please, please not again. Not on the heels of my friend's mother's death. Not on the heels of everything that's just happened. Please don't make me an object of misplaced pity.
If that's what you want, you have to tell me to my face. I deserve that much.
A footnote: I woke up at 2am the other day, your name, your presence ringing in my head. What happened to you around that time?